he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
