No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
