I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
