maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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