We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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