I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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