I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just google imaged poop.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
