What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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