We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
