Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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