That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
sarcasm needs its own font
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
