Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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