Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
