Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
