He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
