i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
