i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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