Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
