He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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