Im at strip club and am horny
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
