She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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