even my farts smell like vagina
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
