I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
