it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I deserve to be covered in dicks
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
