By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
