you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
