I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
