Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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