hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
