I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
