bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
