Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
