hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I need moral support for this bender
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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