You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
