Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
