I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
