good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
