i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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