Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
