I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
