Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
