Nicole vs. Life
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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