So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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