her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
