This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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