Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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