What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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