I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Randomize
