She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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