i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
