you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
